god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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