Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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