so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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