I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is wine microwaveable?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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