I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
