All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
