i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
