I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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