My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I could fuck to npr.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
