well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
