Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
