$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
