So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
