I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
