well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
