I got chris browned last night
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
