I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize