paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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