Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
