Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize