so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
