my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
