I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
