READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
