So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
