im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
