At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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