he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize