why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
