Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it because I queefed?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
