He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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