Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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