They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
