I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
birth control should be required to get into college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
