I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
