The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
