Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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