nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
