He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
