her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
