Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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