Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
