I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
