On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
