omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
