How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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