KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
