the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
