Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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