i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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