My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
