don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
