yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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