Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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