I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
