What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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