Is it because I queefed?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
