His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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