I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
