Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
