Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
