how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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