Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
