I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
