We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
