He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
