True but thats because hes a fetus.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
