So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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