I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize