Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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