Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize