it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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